The procrastination gremlins have been having their way lately, so here's Jay again, typing away at this blog despite having many other things he ought to be doing. We left off last time in a hurry as a result of previous procrastination episodes, before taking up the Conch Republic.

In Jay's view, the Florida Keys have a big problem: Florida. Namely, you have to travel through all of Florida to get to the good part: Key Largo and parts south. Travel in the state is impeded by enormous amounts of traffic, mostly homicidal drivers of large, obnoxious vehicles. Well, Florida has more problems than that - and we won't discuss politics here - but when it comes to the Keys, getting there is a very long drive. Understatement of the week.

Jay's made the drive many times, mostly in the scorchiest days of summer when the only the heartiest of Southerners venture out. Jay discovered the Keys in summer in the mid-1970s. He'd just bought his first Hondacar, a yellow Civic CVCC 5-Speed with no airconditioning, which he chose for high fuel efficiency so he could roam around on the cheap. He met a friend in Miami and for fun they trekked to Key West to see if local yarns about it were true (they were!). In those days all the bridges were narrow wooden affairs, rather scary, especially the infamous seven-mile bridge. Jay was happy to be driving a narrow car. Jay and his friend dined like royalty in Key Largo - a quaint little German restaurant where the friendly owners grandmothered the diners. The food was exquisite.

They checked out John Pennekamp Coral Reef Undersea Park, but did so from the bank, and climbed its lookout tower, and made a note to come back again for a better look. Wandering around all the Keys in turn, large and small, they eventually landed in that other world known in this one as Key West. Amid many creatures of a time long past, aging hippies mostly, Jay felt at home, especially when he found out that the Big Event of the Day was the sunset. Jay's a fan of sunsets. Key West's locals and tourists gathered daily on the docks at Mallory Square to admire the sunset. Local sailboaters and colorful characters took turns riding off into the sunset so the tourists would get nice snapshots. The Cookie Lady peddled cookies from her bicycle's basket, and musicians congregated to jam and jive. In short, a good time was had by all. Jay and his friend went back to Miami with smiles on their faces and stories to tell.

Besides Ernest Hemingway's cats, its bars, and some other things, Key West is famous for Key Lime pie and Conch Fritters. First the fritters. The pretty sea shells that she sells you by the seashore and you hold up to your ear to hear the roar of the ocean? Those are conchs. You coax one of those defenseless little critters out of its shell, batter it, fry it up and smack it on a bun with condiments of your choice. Ding! Conch fritter. Jay admits to consuming exactly one conch fritter - when in Rome - but after seeing them being roasted in their shells at a Long Key campground he swore off permanently. Too barbaric.

Key Lime Pie, on the other hand, is a delicacy Jay can get into. In fact, it was first on the list of local foods to try when Jay and his friend first visited Key West. They stopped for afternoon snack at a disreputable dive - because that's where his friend insisted on stopping - and surrounded a memorably unmemorable meal followed by absolutely divine Key Lime Pie. The place's signs touted their pie as original, genuine, native, home-made, and everything else that gets the tastebuds into high gear. It was.

For the Key lime pie uninitiated, don't think green fruits and Corona cerveza. Limes and Key limes are different fruits altogether. Key limes are much yellower than green limes, and they're much sweeter, with a distinctive taste more like lemon chiffon than plain ol' lime. Jay and his friend returned to Miami a few days later, raving about the pie - naturally they ate it constantly at many different places. "Oh," said his friend's mother, "I've heard about that. Let me see." She walked out into her back yard in Coral Gables and picked some Key limes off her tree! In a couple hours she proudly served home made, phenomenally delectable Key lime pie. What a treat. Jay has never had better, and he's tried many, many times.