Jay's Sainted Mother long ago went on to that Big Hair Salon in the Sky, leaving this particular universe a sadder if not much wiser place. So on this, the annual Mothers' Day celebration, Jay surrounds himself with comfort food and mostly lays low.

He and his Mama had their differences, often about inconsequential things owing to a mile-wide streak of stubborn in both. Most of the time, they patched their disagreements with mute apologies and moved on to other matters. And to items they could agree on, like the delectability of Mama's home cooking. Born in 19(mumble), Mrs. Gross was the older-sister-by-five-years to Jay's favorite aunt. Their mother was also noted for her cooking and taught them well, but all three adopted different styles and used different recipes for just about everything.

Take cornbread, for example. Go ahead, take three pieces. Among the three consummate cooks, no two made the concoction the same way, although all tasted great. For reasons known only to their egos, they often sought Jay's opinion on their dishes - soliciting compliments, of course, and threatening to topple the delicate balance of power. Jay could not like one over the other, you see, but fortunately didn't have to as all the dishes were great. The challenge, often insurmountable, was to say as little as possible, preferably nothing, without giving offense.

The competition for Jay's favor exacerbated at holiday time - like Mothers Day. In fact, Jay came to dislike family occasions because of the intense pressure to favor one cook over one or more of the others. Never noted for diplomacy, Jay usually managed to invent delicate ways to issue compliments to the chef without offending the other two chefs. Mostly, however, he tried to steer clear of the questions in the first place, sometimes with just as disastrous results.

Unfortunately, with food there's no sidestepping the issue. You either eat the dish or don't, and if you don't eat it you couldn't stand it. Right? In Jay's fiercely competitive family of cooks, that means ask for seconds and maybe thirds, or be accused of not liking the dish. As in: "Awww, you only ate two slices of my (pick one: peach pie, chocolate cake, fruitcake), don't you like it?" Jay's extra hearty appetite and insatiable sweet tooth saved him from having to invent excuses.